What's a library?

I have a library card... I have a library card?! I have a library card!!

I haven't had a library card since... I was 12 or so in Rapid City, SD. I like this whole free book thing. I am actually reading too, which is different in itself, as well.

Right now I'm reading "Eat, Drink, and Weigh Less" by Mollie Katzen & Walter Willett, M.D. I like the idea of the book because it's from a medical perspective and the co-author is a cook, and so far I'm staying attentive and want to continue to read.

The other book I checked out was "Mayo Clinic, Healthy Weight for Everybody" by the Mayo Clinic. After I finish the above, I'll venture on to this one.

This whole journey is so new for me. I'm usually very concerned about how other people perceive me. Especially if I'm viewed as "failing" at something. This time, however, my perception of myself has changed. I don't care and I don't view myself as a failure, I'm learning. Learning what is right for me and my body, and changing my misconceptions of what I wanted, and figuring what I truly want. With wanting something like this for so long I definitely need a clearer understanding of what I truly want, and what I'm working towards, if I'm even working towards anything.

I feel relieved, and I feel good.

Flying Solo

[Pic]

It's interesting how you can want something most of your life and then once you get it, it's not all that great, and that life, before it, was actually better, but just needed some fine tuning.

By week 3 I had a complete meltdown all week, not just with the cake balls... One minute I would be fine about what I was eating, and then the next minute I was a crazed, nut wanting some cake balls.

When Friday came, I had made a decision - I didn't want a nutrition coach anymore. I didn't want to eat that restrictively. With that, meant that the thought of becoming a figure competitor was highly unlikely, and I was completely okay with it. I'm still on the mission of a lean, muscular body, and know it'll be hard and take even longer, but I'm in control. If I want cake balls on the weekend, damn it, I'm going to have cake balls.

Through the last week I kept telling Alex, "I feel like I can do this by myself." probing for some kind of validation that I was right to have hired a nutritionist. I didn't get it. He kept saying, "Then DO IT! Do work!" My mission now - learn it myself. I want to learn why fruit after 4 pm isn't suggested, or is it a body builders myth. How does our body work with the food, and what do you feed it if a person is looking for certain results. How many calories should I be getting with the amount of exercise? I don't just want answers, I want explanations.

I went to a supervisor's workshop at our Snow and Ice Conference the other week and something had stuck with me. The presenter talked about education and continuing education and that being taught something is great, but taking the initiative to self-teach is even greater. So now I need to build my lavatory library, as he called it. Where is the one place I can count on getting 5 minutes, at least, of peace in quit through out the day? Yup, the bathroom! I'm not a big reader, and I rarely take the time to read in bed, so the lavatory library really is the best solution!

Now instead of feeling down and out and being dramatic about food, I feel a sense of relief. I'm still on a meal plan, but I've done the pro/carb/fat count on foods and planned them through out the day. It isn't perfect, I can tell you that up front, and probably not as finned tuned as it could be. It's a start though. When I learn, the meal plan will grow, and become more sophisticated like my knowledge of the subject.

Holy Cow, Cravings

I have hit a wall tonight... I want CAKE BALLS! I literally threw a fit. I was trying to cry about it, but I couldn't pull the tears. I am just craving sweets like crazy, and acting crazy about it!

A couple of years ago, when I was looking around on bodybuilding.com to see how people make their bodies look so amazing, I came across a woman's blog about her journey. She said she went to a BBQ and turned down hot dogs and just ate her plain chicken breast with a salad. People made comments and wondering what she was doing. She said that to get where she wanted to be, it takes extreme commitment and dedication. I never thought it would be like this or feel like this. I knew I would have cravings, but to want to cry over not having cake balls?

My coach says that true athletes that want to obtain this type of physique eat only 5 "cheat" meals out of the year: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Birthday, and maybe 4th of July.

Now I feel torn... Do I want to do this for a competition, or just eat healthy and be able to eat the cake balls that I ooooh so love... or am I letting my cravings get the best of me... but this is something I've always wanted. I don't mind cardio six times a week and weights four times a week, it's just the food restrictions that are driving me mad at this point (at week three). Tonight has definitely tested me.

Week 1 is over, and week 2 has begun!

I am just so excited about my new adventure. I am eating (literally) and breathing fitness. If I'm not eating, I'm in the kitchen with Alex preparing meals for the next day, and if I'm not doing either of those, I'm at work or working out.

I ended up hiring a holistic nutritionist to help me with my goals. Boy has it paid off so far, and it's only been 2 weeks. I eat six meals a day, equating to 2400 calories, which has mean eating very clean. I don't think I have ever eaten this clean in my life. Just to give you a preview, meal 1 consists of eight egg whites, 1/2 of oatmeal, almond butter, and a piece of fruit, with some other items in there. All my meals are like that. I only drink my protein in meals 2 and 6. I just couldn't imagine physically eating in those spots either.

We are discovering different types of flavors and foods all together, and the texture and flavor combination is pretty awesome. I'm so full all the time, I have no desire for going out to eat, or eating highly processed foods. I've cut out most to all wheat based food products and use brown rice products instead, which have great if not better flavor.

We've also revamped my exercise routine which now I lift 4 days a week and combine that with 6 days of cardio. I'll admit that between it all I'm pretty tired, but to do it right and get the results in a timely manner, dedication is what I need to do.

I'm feeling awesome and excited for my journey ahead, whether that takes me all the way to a competition, or getting into the best physical shape of my life, or even just really learning how to eat right. Whatever may come of it, I am just so thrilled, daily, that I am finally submerged into the lifestyle I have always wanted!

Ode to My Husband

I'm glad I finally have a few minutes to share my appreciation for my husband!

I can admit that I'm not the greatest wife, but I have the greatest husband. Alex is thoughtful and caring, supportive and encouraging. When I don't have faith, he does. He supports my feminist view point and listens to my out-of-the box beliefs. We're usually on the same page, without having to say anything, and when I'm nervous about telling how I feel, he usually feels the same way. We have the same morals, goals, and beliefs. If I wasn't married to him and didn't think he would be the most incredible, patient, loving father, I wouldn't have kids. He makes sacrifices for our little family and always tells me everything will be okay. He has been more than supporting with my new eating and exercising regimen.

I am not a sensitive or affectionate person; however, I just needed to give props to my husband so he and everyone else knows how much I appreciate everything he does!

Ode to my husband!

Giving Back

I've decided that I want to give back.

I'm a big supporter of charities and want to make it a regular enjoyment. I'm one of those people, if a cashier asks me to donate a dollar, or five, for a charity, I will, without thinking. To try to play a bigger part in society, I'm going to donate to a charity once a month. I feel like I can skip a restaurant meal, or two, to give to an organization doing something to make a difference.

My first donation will be to ASPCA (of course) http://www.aspca.org/donate/ to help stop animal cruelty.

I have a few more organizations lined up for the coming months. If you have an organization that is worthy of a donation, let me know!

The following are already on my list:

• The Dr. Andrew David Bagby Family Medicine Scholarship


• http://http://www.dearzachary.com/donate/memorial.php


• If you're interested to know more about this scholarship, I would highly recommend watching "Dear Zachary".

• The ALS Association: Fighting Lou Gehrig's Disease


• http://www.alsa.org/donate/


• In memory of Kimi's family members who have suffered from this disease, and a co-worker who passed from this unfortunate disease.

• Jayden DeLuca Foundation


• http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Jayden-DeLuca-Foundation/322497232822


• To help with children's heart research. In memory of a co-worker's granddaughter who passed at a young age from a heart problem.

Amber D.

Nutritionist

[Yummy]

I've been away from social networking due to some changes in family dynamics, but have made a return with lots of things to catch up on.

I have found a nutritionist to help me with my goal, and boy am I excited! I know I am going to have to change my eating habits drastically. With the help from Coach Nadine, I know I will receive the tools to do so. She explained to me that her number one goal for me, is my health. If a competition can be accomplished, from this process, than it's an added bonus.

I start this weekend by tracking my meals and feelings associated with those meals, plus a whole lot more of information, for three days. Then we set up an analysis of my diet and go over some basic information on how I work with my food. After the analysis, I then need to decide what kind of journey I want to take. A weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly appointment with her. Right now we are just going to focus on nutrition, then when the time comes we will work on cardio and weight training. We are both on the same boat, and I feel confident in her and her knowledge. She has competed several times in figure type competitions, and knows what type of intensity it takes. She told me if anyone said they liked preparing for competitions, they were lieing. She says it's super difficult and very constrictive.

Alex has been very supportive and encouraging. I think he secretly is viewing this as a competition, and right now he's beating me. He's been getting up at 4:50 am, before work, to go running, along with changing his eating habits. Oooh, but not for long... I'll be on his heels soon!

Considering ALL the changes in my very near future, I will be happy to gain tools to control my emotional eating and obtain a goal that I have wanted for a very long time. I am ready to be the athlete I have always wanted to become. With everything going on right now, I need to keep in perspective that I really do need to take care of myself before anyone else. So, let's do this!

Amber D.