It's interesting how you can want something most of your life and then once you get it, it's not all that great, and that life, before it, was actually better, but just needed some fine tuning.
By week 3 I had a complete meltdown all week, not just with the cake balls... One minute I would be fine about what I was eating, and then the next minute I was a crazed, nut wanting some cake balls.
When Friday came, I had made a decision - I didn't want a nutrition coach anymore. I didn't want to eat that restrictively. With that, meant that the thought of becoming a figure competitor was highly unlikely, and I was completely okay with it. I'm still on the mission of a lean, muscular body, and know it'll be hard and take even longer, but I'm in control. If I want cake balls on the weekend, damn it, I'm going to have cake balls.
Through the last week I kept telling Alex, "I feel like I can do this by myself." probing for some kind of validation that I was right to have hired a nutritionist. I didn't get it. He kept saying, "Then DO IT! Do work!" My mission now - learn it myself. I want to learn why fruit after 4 pm isn't suggested, or is it a body builders myth. How does our body work with the food, and what do you feed it if a person is looking for certain results. How many calories should I be getting with the amount of exercise? I don't just want answers, I want explanations.
I went to a supervisor's workshop at our Snow and Ice Conference the other week and something had stuck with me. The presenter talked about education and continuing education and that being taught something is great, but taking the initiative to self-teach is even greater. So now I need to build my lavatory library, as he called it. Where is the one place I can count on getting 5 minutes, at least, of peace in quit through out the day? Yup, the bathroom! I'm not a big reader, and I rarely take the time to read in bed, so the lavatory library really is the best solution!
Now instead of feeling down and out and being dramatic about food, I feel a sense of relief. I'm still on a meal plan, but I've done the pro/carb/fat count on foods and planned them through out the day. It isn't perfect, I can tell you that up front, and probably not as finned tuned as it could be. It's a start though. When I learn, the meal plan will grow, and become more sophisticated like my knowledge of the subject.